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Hey Bro Movie Review: A Big Bore, This Film Will Give You A Headache

hey-bro

Rating: Half Star

Two brothers, separated in childhood, united in adulthood, cop-and-crook chase, boy-meets-girl maze, melodramatic mother and happily ever after- that sums up the authentic and iconoclastic plot of this week’s Bollywood release. Ajay Chandhok’s Hey Bro is not merely a movie, it is a ledger of life lessons. No, it doesn’t do anything to enlighten the audience. But here’s reading the writing on the wall for those who were trapped inside the on-screen mockery of a movie.
1. For Akshay Kumar, Ranveer Singh, Hrithik Roshan, Amitabh Bachchan, Ajay Devgan: Star or superstar, Bollywood spares no one. You have to pay your dues. Beware your choreographers…they will turn into painful producers, ambitious actors and reduce you to mindless, meaningless comic caricatures.
2. For Newcomer Nupur Sharma: Wet bath tubs are still available on the ad film set of Lux soaps. Next time you want to show(er) your body, knock on the doors of J. Walter Thompson. They might actually give you a script for your 30 sec performance.
3. For Man Maninder: You and your manhood both can be preserved. Stop being a sissy to a sister financing her husband’s fantasy and calling it a film for fun. There are many more fishes in the pond worth your time and talent.
4. For Harmless Hanif Hilal: Gold’s Gym is currently offering a 50% exclusive discount on delusional dudes who defeat even drab drones when it comes to bagging the prize for bad acting.
5. For ‘Gopi’ Ganesh Acharya: Next time you decide toget sloshed with self-importance, serenade to soppy songs and shoot afterhours on the streets of Andheri; upload it on Youtube under the World’s Funniest Videos section. Contrary to popular beliefs, theater goers actually have a brain!
6. For Old Boy Prem Chopra: We understand that growing is old is compulsory but growing up is definitely a choice. What can we say? Your choice, Hey Bro!!
7. For Modern Mahie Gill:From Dev D’s Paro or Don’t Touch My Body item girl? Film Critics’ Choice or shady villain’s Bulbul? Do you have a twin with a twist for real?
8. For Ma: Agreed, Mother India is immortal. But the mortal minds of the audience cannot bear the burden of this stereotype any more.
9. For Govinda: Cake not worth the candle! Blind alley! Dead duck! It’s time you picked up the English dictionary…you will get the drift….
10. For Booty Gals: Creative and artistic slavery is the worst kind of enslavement. Let not Bollywood chain your moves to low budget excuse for a song sequence.
11. For Fair Foreign Chicks: It’s time to form a Federation of Foreign Aspiring Actors to insure you all against abuse and uphold the virtue of dignity of labor.

Agreed, Bollywood is allowed to have its blues. But, movies like Hey Bro paint the box office as Black Friday!

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