Bollywood Stars’ New Year Resolutions

Ah, 2014. You are now here fully. As most of humankind gets back into the groove of things after a week of holidaying, the most important event of the year is upon us: New Year Resolutions. There are few rituals as global as that of making new year resolutions. While the rest of the world gets busy making resolutions about losing weight, eating right, working harder and loving their spouse, here’s what resolutions we think our Bollywood stars are going to take:

Salman Khan

Finally lose his virginity.

Ranbir Kapoor

Look for cameras obsessively on any beach he goes to.

Aamir Khan

Become friends with Usain Bolt and practice sprinting so he can run like hell if offered another movie with Uday Chopra.

Uday Chopra

Also become friends with Usain Bolt and convince him to start his Bollywood career as the villain in Dhoom 4.

Katrina Kaif

Find movies where her acting skills are given as much screen time as her legs.

Or maybe not.

Aishwarya Rai

Get Abhishek out of Bollywood. Launch weight loss product called, “Weighty B” with the tagline “How To Lose Post Pregnancy Weight And Rub Your Critics’ Noses In The Dust”.

Hrithik Roshan

Move on. Sigh.

Ranveer Singh and Arjun Kapoor

Refer to Salman Khan above.

Sunny Deol

Pick up machine gun. Cross border into Pakistan. Single-handedly destroy all terror camps. Produce “Border 2: Life Story of The Real Sunny.”

Bobby Deol

Get a role in Border 2: Life Story of The Real Sunny.

Sunny Leone

Produce “Crossing the Border With Sunny Leone” a film about..er…the birds and the bees.

*This is a parody/satire. Do not mistake this as actual news.

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