The Harsh Column – 5 dreadful Hollywood remakes that should be banned

When you hear filmmakers calling their Hollywood rip-offs as ‘highly inspired’, you know the word they’re actually looking for is ‘blatantly copied’. Originality in Bollywood seems like a rare case and you’ve already read people ranting and blogging about it. But here I’m not gonna talk about how bad these Bollywood movies are even after their plots being picked up from super hit Hollywood flicks for example: Ghajini, Partner, Sholay, Deewangee, Ajnabee, Dil Bole Hadippa etc. Okay, I won’t go there again, I promise. 

 
Let’s talk about how their awful attempts to remake a super hit Hollywood flick turned out to become their awful nightmare. Fight Club, Phir Hera Pheri, Kuch Toh Hai are all sorry excuses for movie making ‘inspired’ by Hollywood masterpieces. I’m not biased towards western cinema. I’m a fan of good filmmaking. Be it Momento or The Shawshank Redemption. Or maybe Dev D or Hazaaron Khwahishen Aisi. I love them ‘all! 
 
But there are a few remakes that need a good spanking. Oh! And I don’t mean Bollywood remakes like Ram Gopal Varma ki Aag. Most of you watched it but wouldn’t admit it. And some of you who are shameful enough to admit it, reprehensibly regret it. I’m lucky enough to be one of the few who haven’t watched it. Or let’s just say, I survived the storm. And hey, I didn’t watch it because I felt awkward going to a ticket counter and asking him, Bhaiyya, ek Ram Gopal Varma ki Aag Dena. 
 
Anyway, here’s my list of 5 dreadful Hollywood remakes that should be banned from every medium possible for our own safety and sukoon. 

#5. God Tussi Great Ho

The Hollywood flick Bruce Almighty reeked of awesomeness because of Jim Carrey’s super performance, the beautiful Jennifer Aniston and the godly presence of Morgan Freeman. The cast of Salman Khan and Amitabh Bachchan was okay but the movie was just terrible, glutted with useless and pointless scenes. It just kept getting on my nerves.
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Though I walked out of the hall after just an hour into it, for three days, I almost thought I was suffering from schizophrenia.
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#4. Ugly aur Pagli

Every scene, every frame and every character was copied. ZERO originality. Pathetic. Hopeless. Just that. And I watched it. It was my..
mistake

 

 

#3. Fool N Final

Guy Ritchie’s Snatch starring Brad Pitt, Jason Statham, Dennis Farina was some genius work. Brad Pitt as always as charismatic and stunning.
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Dennis Farina also delivered his everything with utmost conviction. And how can I forget Jason Statham? I LOVE that guy! Did you see Mean Machine? You should. Nevermind now who would want to re-create such epicness with Shahid Kapoor, Vivek Oberoi and Sunny Deol as a medium? To my astonishment, it was Anurag Kashyap!  The flick was definitely one of the worst Hollywood remakes, one could ever or never, imagine of! Only if I could ask Mr. Kashyap just one question?

WHY

 

 

#2. Players

Hate. Hate. I hate, hate, hate Abhishek Bachchan. Hate is just a mild word, actually. “Players is far more fast paced and has a racy feel to it than The Italian Job,” this is what Abbas-Mustan said. And this is what I said after watching the flick.
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The Bollywood remake was a headache, in true sense. I’ve obviously watched The Italian Job first and found it just above-average, nothing more. But Players is outright disgrace. A slap in the face. With no sense or taste.

explain

 

 

# 1. Chocolate – Deep Dark Secrets

Remember that epic scene when Roger ‘Verbal’ Kint drops the limp and starts walking straight?
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That BLEW MY MIND! And so did, Chocolate, the remake of The Usual Suspects (in a bad way, of course). The cast of Irrfan Khan and Anil Kapoor was good and I agree they can pull off any role sublimely but the Michael Mann’s broody, digi-noir style thriller was a bit far fetched. Or not their cup of tea. Or just KEVIN FRIGGING SPACEY!

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2 thoughts on “The Harsh Column – 5 dreadful Hollywood remakes that should be banned

  1. This is so true. Why can’t they make real movies? What happened to good old movies like Sholay and Dewaar and what not? Oh right! Bollywood is after the 100 crore club now and not the entertainment.

    1. As much as I’d like to agree with you on your second statement, I hate to burst your bubble but even Sholay is a rip-off from a couple of Hollywood flicks – The Magnificent Seven being one among them!

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