Zanjeer producers offering 1kg onions to viewers

ZanjeerKnowing that they are facing a losing battle, the makers of Zanjeer are now offering theatergoers one kg onion for sitting through the movie. If they go ahead and post a positive review on the internet, the producers, who are noting down phone numbers and addresses of viewers, will send them another two kg of onions.

Priyanka Chopra fan Jay Shukla says, “I went to the theater expecting nothing and was rewarded for with one kg onions. That’s like getting back one third of the ticket price! I will watch every flop Hindi movie of Ram Charan’s from now on!”

When this website tried to contact Reliance Entertainment, the production house behind Zanjeer, we were rerouted to Reliance Fresh. Upon speaking with Mukesh Bhambwani, Reliance Fresh’s Head of Marketing, we realized that this was actually a cunning ploy by Reliance to increase Fresh’s brand recall among a captive audience.

Bhambwani, who had a hard time trying to keep the glee out of his voice, explained how Reliance had tied up with farmers across the country and was using its movie studio as an indirect marketing vehicle. Reliance plans on becoming the launch pad for actors from different film industries trying to get into Bollywood, and in order to fill up those seats, they plan to give away any food item that has become expensive due to Government incompetence. This will work wonders for Reliance Fresh, which plans to open hundreds of outlets across the country.

While Zanjeer continues to suffer in North India and multiplexes, the Telugu version, Thoofan has opened to an encouraging response. Sources from the Ram Charan Tej camp say that this was the plan always. They knew Zanjeer was going to tank in urban centers and are not too bothered with it. They want the perception of a Telugu speaking Bollywood star to grow so Ram Charan tej’s family can project him as a political leader in the years to come. In the meanwhile, they have announced that Ram Charan will be starring in three more remakes of 1970s Bollywood hits.

*This is fictional article, do not think it is true and do not get pissed off! 

 

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