After sitting through two and a half hours of Ra.One and another two and a half for Chennai Express, J. Jayalalitha, Chief Minister of Tamil Nadu is reportedly mulling a special Linguistics branch be opened up to teach Bollywood the Tamil accent. To be called “AIADMSRK Linguistic Integration Cell”, the branch aims to offer courses to anyone interested in picking up a south Indian accent. It also aims to debunk the popular notion that South India is one homogeneous bulk and introduce viewers to people of states such as Karnataka, Kerala and Andhra Pradesh, who are generally all referred to as ‘Madrasis’.
Speaking at a ceremony where yet more televisions were being distributed to people who actually wanted round the clock electricity, the CM was seen repressing a shudder when ‘Chennai Express’ was brought up by a journalist. It has since been learnt that an emergency meeting was convened and top IAS babus were brought in to understand how Bollywood could be better used to increase national integration. At the very least, the aim of the cell is to banish the word ‘Ayyo’ for any reference to South India.
North East interest
A breaking development to the launch of the Linguistic Cell has been an agitation in the North east. Our correspondent in Guwahati reports of disbelief from several sections of society about this move from Tamil Nadu. Catherine Rynjah, student, says “Arey, at least Chennai gets a mention! That too in the title! There is never even a passing reference to this side of the country!” While she has been vocal about it, most other North Easterners have shrugged this off after some grumbling. They’re afraid that if Bollywood actually makes a movie about the North East, there will be so much inaccuracy that they would have more problems than just being ignored.
*This is a work of fiction. Do not take this seriously!